by Lisa Shapiro Strauss, Attorney at Law, mother of 3 kids & Rabbi’s wife
Every working Mom has heard this question, from either our friends who are not working or those without children. This is one of the greatest challenges young women face. Just a generation ago, most women did not work outside the home full time. While some of these apply to men as well, there are issues that are uniquely facing Moms at home (whether single Moms or married Moms).
Fortunately, I had a fantastic role model. My Mom was a small business owner, politician and community volunteer. On top of that, she raised 3 children, ran carpools, cooked meals and made it all look easy! However, she was probably unraveling underneath the surface and hanging on by a thread at times. She didn’t have many friends in her similar circumstances to lean on in stressful moments. Talk to your peers – go out for a glass of wine, unwind and vent your frustrations!
In our generation, things have gotten better as men take more responsibility at home with children and housework. However, a line item in my budget is to pay someone else to do the housework and laundry for my family of five. There are too many people looking for work that can take this jobs off your plate. I never want to feel guilty about spending quality time with my kids because there is a sink full of dirty dishes staring at me. Your time per hour is so much more valuable spent working or with your family.
Prioritize your extra-curricular activities. When my children were babies, I gave up volunteer opportunities and was not available for evening meetings. There were a few volunteer positions I wanted to hold onto, but realized I wasn’t helping anyone if I couldn’t fulfill my commitments. The time comes when you can take on more activities, but it needs to be once you are ready and your family can handle having you away from home.
You have to spend time every single day taking care of yourself, both physically and mentally. Get up early to take a spin class or break out of your routine early and go to yoga or for a walk. I love being done with my exercise by 6:00am before my kids get up, so I can make lunches and get them out the door. However, you have to get enough sleep so you don’t run your body down. You know what works for you, but you need to add it on your permanent schedule.
On a practical note, I could not live without my iPad, scanner and Dropbox. I have all my contracts, offense reports, photos, witness statements and other evidence scanned into Dropbox. Each Client has a folder in my Dropbox. I upload their videos and photos. I have access to my entire case file no matter where I may be in the world. I have done business on vacation (sadly), but more importantly, in my home. Any client that calls or issue that arises, I have the whole file at my fingertips 24/7. This is a lifesaver for a Mom on the go, driving carpool and sitting at baseball games.
You cannot be the best lawyer, best Mom, best wife, best friend and best volunteer. Something has to give and you need to decide which of these you value the most. Superwoman doesn’t exist and don’t fool yourself into thinking you are the first who will be able to do it all.
At the end of the day, turn off your ringer and enjoy your family. Our children’s well-being affects us and ours affects theirs. We are inexplicably connected. The quality of the time we spend with them matters. We cannot hear our children while we are face booking, texting and watching the news at the same time. Spend time unplugged!
You cannot be the best lawyer, best Mom, best wife, best friend and best volunteer. Something has to give and you need to decide which of these you value the most. Superwoman doesn’t exist and don’t fool yourself into thinking you are the first who will be able to do it all.
We all need to stop and enjoy the fruits of our labor (no pun intended)! Before we blink, our babies will be gone and all those clients will be a faded memory. Cherish every moment you have with your kids so you don’t regret this time later. The kids will remember your presence and it does make an impact on their future.
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